A Greek girl married young, around 14. Marriage at such a young age was presumed to guarantee virginity, which, until marriage, was thought to be threatened by her lustful youth. A young man, on the other hand, usually performed his military service before getting married, with the result that he was about 30 when he first married. Furthermore, the girl was obliged to marry whomever her kyrios, male guardian, decided upon. In choosing a prospective husband,
the kyrios would have considered political and economic factors. Finally, marriage to a family member was
an acceptable alternative and occasionally encouraged in order to consolidate family wealth.

The Wedding Ceremony

For a young girl, marriage rites marked three phases: separation from her oikos , transition to a new
home, and integration into her new roles as daughter and wife within a new oikos. She changed from a
parthenos, a maiden, to a nymphe, a married woman without children, when she married and then finally
to a gyne, an adult woman, when she bore her first child. The entire set of marriage rites focused on the
bride and her relocation to a new oikos and kyrios, the most important transition in her life.

As mentioned, a typical marriage consisted of engue and ekdosis. The ceremony itself was marked by the
physical transfer, the ekdosis, of the bride to her new oikos . The ekdosis was a process that took several
days, affected much of the community and affirmed new relationships both inside and outside her former
oikos . For the bride, ekdosis signified a farewell to her maidenhood and at the same time an integration
into her new household.

The wedding ceremony usually lasted three days. The day before the wedding was designated the
proaulia. In preparation for the proaulia, the bride would spend a final few days with her mother and female
relatives, friends and servants preparing for her wedding at her father's house. This pre-wedding ritual is
one of the few events in which women were allowed to participate and celebrate actively. Once the
proaulia arrived, a ceremony and feast would be held at the house of the bride's father. The bride would
make various offerings, proteleia to different gods; the offerings would generally include her childhood
clothing and toys. This act served two purposes for the bride. It signified the separation of the bride from
her childhood, freeing her to enter a new life; and it established a bond between her and the deities who
she hoped would provide protection for her during the transition to her new life. Sacrifices to Artemis,
goddess of virginity and of transition, would likely include locks of hair and zemia, a fine or penalty, in the
hope that she would ease the bride's passage from virginity. On occasion the bride would sacrifice to Hera
as the exemplar of the divine bride. The bride and groom would both make offerings to Aphrodite for a
fruitful, child-rearing life. If the bride or groom was unable for some reason to make the proteleia, the
bride's father or, in some instances, her mother would perform the ritual instead. The wedding ceremony's
focus on the bride's passage to marriage and her sexual initiation is apparent in the rites performed on the
proaulia, and it will continue to become clarified during the following two days.

The gamos, the actual wedding day, began with a loutron numphikon, a nuptial bath, in the women's
quarters. Water was drawn from a river or spring and carried in a loutrophoros, a vase shape.
 

A specially appointed child carried the bath water, which was thought to provide a purification of the bride
as well as to induce fertility, showing that the bride and her sexual initiation were the focus of this aspect of
the ceremony. The bride would then dress in the same room in which she bathed. The most important part
of the bride's costume was the veil, which symbolized her virginity and was not removed until she was
handed over to the groom. The bride would have a numpheutria, a bridal helper, who, with the bride's
mother and other women, would preside over the preparations for the meal and sacrifices, and who would
accompany the bride to the banquet hall. There, sacrifices would be offered to the gods of marriage by
both the bride and groom.

The wedding feast would follow, although the actual time for the feast is not clear. Most often the feast
would be given by the bride's father, but it could also be given by the groom's father or even the groom
himself in certain situations. Regardless, both families would attend. Guests at the feast would include
the couple's friends, who would serve as witnesses. The François vase, for instance, depicting the
wedding of Peleus and Thetis, shows them accompanied by many of their fellow gods, who act as
witnesses.

While this was one of the few public events women were permitted to attend, men and women sat at
different tables. Delicacies, such as sesame seeds mixed with honey, would be available. Entertainment
would be provided by professional singers. The songs played a very important role in the ceremony,
encouraging the couple in their new relationship and future children as well as complimenting the couple
through comparisons with the gods.A libation was offered at the beginning of the songs.

Towards the end of the feast in the evening came the most important part of the ceremony, the
anakalupteria, the unveiling of the bride. This act is significant because the bride is handed over to the
groom, and at this point she has completely given up her status as parthenos. There is some debate on
exactly when this part of the ceremony took place. Some have argued that it did not occur until the couple
had arrived at the groom's house. The bride was then presented to the groom as she prepared to leave
her paternal home.

The procession from the bride's house to her new home then began. An amphithales, a child with both
parents still alive, was chosen to escort the bride. He represented prosperity and good luck for the couple,
and symbolized their eventual child. The amphithales would distribute bread to the guests; the bread was
another symbol of the final product of this union, a child; furthermore, the basket in which the bread was
carried represented the ancient baby cradle. The amphithales would also utter the words "I fled worse and
found better," and he wore a crown of thorns and nuts, reminding the couple of the threatening proximity of
wild nature, as the acorn was the food of primitive man while the winnowing fan or basket suggested
implements of civilized agriculture.

Other objects featured in the ceremony and enhanced the new role of the bride to advance civilized life: a
grill for toasting barley; a sieve carried by a child; a pestle that hung in front of the wedding chamber; and
various grains, recalling Demeter, the link between agriculture, fertility and social life.

The procession itself began with the painful ritual departure, a drama of the pain the bride felt leaving her
family. The groom grabbed her wrist while the bride's father delivered her to her husband's control, saying
"in front of witnesses I give this girl to you for the production of legitimate children." After this, the bride
was treated as a symbolic captive, and to her the procession reflected a crisis that needed to be endured
and overcome, as it was her final transition from childhood to marriage.
 

She was accompanied by her husband and his friend in a cart. If the anakalupteria had not taken place
yet, the bride would still be veiled. Her mother would be the one to carry the torches, daidouxein, in a
protective role. The torches and music were intended to ward off evil spirits that might harm the bride
during the procession.

The honored participants in the procession included the amphithales; the proegetes, leader of the
procession; paides propempontes, young boys; the paroxos or paranumphos, the groom's attendant; and
the numpheutria and other friends. Sometimes an entire town would join. Women with baskets and vases
would also accompany the procession. In these baskets and vases were such items as sandals, quinces,
roses, violets and fruits. These things would then be thrown at the couple, so that the procession
resembled a fullobolia, victory procession. Avagianou explains that this "perhaps had an aggressive
purpose, although we cannot ignore the sexual content attributed to apples and flowers by the ancient
Greeks."30 Men with musical instruments in the procession would provide the music for thehymenaioi,
songs, that celebrated the couple and especially the bride's contribution to the union.31

The wedding procession has parallels with other rituals. It is similar to the triumphant homecoming of
victors at the Panhellenic games. The wedding carries the same significance for the bride that the victory
does for the victor. As mentioned above, the pelting of the bride with flowers and fruits parallels the
fullobolia of the victory procession.

When the couple reached the groom's house, a paian cry arose celebrating the successful end of the
vulnerable passage. The groom then lifted the bride from the chariot, and his mother, holding torches,
welcomed her daughter-in-law to her new home. The bride was then received with ritual kataxusmata, a
sequence of rites performed to guarantee the future prosperity and fertility of the union and to establish the
bride in her new home. The bride would eat a quince and burn the chariot axle, thereby precluding a
journey back to her former home; she would be welcomed to the hearth (the center of the household); and,
finally, the bride received tragmata, dried dates, nuts, and figs, thus completing the same ritual a new slave
went through to make the final break with her old household. If it had not happened before, the
anakalupteria happened now as well.

As the couple entered the bridal chamber itself, they passed to the protection of Aphrodite and Peitho, who
would bring harmony and pleasure in the bedroom and ultimately children. While the chamber was still
being prepared, the wedding guests could enter the room, but finally the door would shut and remain
guarded throughout the night by the thyroros, a friend of the groom. Friends of the bride sang outside the
room to reassure the bride as she journeyed to womanhood and to encourage the couple in their attempts
to produce a boy baby. They would also beat on the chamber door, ktupia, to scare away the spirits of the
underworld. They might also sing playful, even obscene, songs and jokes.

The final day of the wedding ceremony was called the epaulia. The day began with waking songs by the
Pannuxis, the maidens awake all night, and certain men who returned to wake the couple. The focus was
still on the bride, as she received the epaulia, or gifts. Again the ceremony was accompanied by songs
that emphasized the transition of the bride to her new status.

As initiating ceremonies, weddings and funerals  share many similarities, as already noted in respect to
the significance of the loutrophoros. Such tangible elements as preparing baths, torches, water for
purification, the veil, and garlands play roles in both ceremonies. Redfield emphasizes especially how
cutting the locks of hair features in both rituals:
 

Moreover, both journeys are made at night by a cart with a ritual wheel drawn by mules, accompanied by
flutes and choral songs and both ceremonies also include a feast. Both rituals signify a separation and a
change of residence. These two ceremonies are so intertwined that if a girl died before she married, she
was buried in a wedding dress so she could be the bride of Hades.

Of course, weddings, as rituals, resemble religious ceremonies in general. Several of the terms used in the
wedding ceremony recall those associated with religious festivals. For instance, telos, an end, recalls the
Eleusian mysteries, and telein, to end, is a characteristic term for mysteries of initiation. Rites of passage
are fundamentally alike: there is a formal transition for the initiate to a new stage of life, there is a division
of participants such as men/women, maidens/married women, and couple/society. In human weddings, the
couple is made to parallel the divine couple, as in religious ceremonies, with comparisons voiced in songs
and their quasi-divine images on vases.

    In ancient Athens, wedding ceremonies started after dark. The veiled bride traveled from her home to the
home of the groom while standing in a chariot. Her family followed the chariot on foot, carrying the gifts.
Friends of the bride and groom lit the way, carrying torches and playing music to scare away evil spirits.
During the wedding ceremony, the bride would eat an apple, or another piece of fruit, to show that food
and other basic needs would now come from her husband. Gifts to the new couple might include baskets,
furniture, jewelry, mirrors, perfume, vases filled with greenery.

    In ancient Sparta, the ceremony was very simple. After a tussle, to prove his superior strength, the groom
would toss his bride over his shoulder and carry her off.